I tell him she cannot say our speech, she does not even say our names right, only a little close. I try to say to her some of our speech, but she cann...t say good. She does not understand how we speak all in small sounds. She does not even understand how it is different between the sounds we make for speaking and the sounds we make for hearing them back and knowing what is before us and around us. Because I can make her speech by playing with my breathing and using their way of making speech in. I relax a bit, remembering that it is play, but now I’m wide awake, my mind and heart racing. He’s found another hot button – one I didn’t know I had. The thought of being treated like that – a mere possession he could loan out – horrible! But I can feel the damp spot spreading between my legs. I must be blushing furiously and turn my head toward the mattress, away from where I feel him hovering over me.‘Oh, don’t tell me you haven’t thought about any of them,’ he whispers, teasing, ‘I know. "So, then I suppose it all welled up inside me and I just blurted outto her that I loved her. I hadn't intended to and obviously, I shouldhave talked to you first, but it all just sort of came out suddenly." And what did she say?" Well, she said that she was attracted to me too. She said I had totalk to you though and she left pretty much straight away. I was upsetand she didn't want to stay, because, well, she didn't want to takeadvantage of me and well, she said I should talk to you. She. .."I was suddenly mad."Why? Why does she always do this? She always has other people do her dirty work. This is one of the reasons we are not talking. I'm sad to see things haven't changed. I'm so glad to hear her life is great without me in it. Mine is shit without her. I don't know why I was holding out hope. It sounds like we really are done. Just tell her I'm happy for her, and doing fine. I don't want to dampen her joy," I said and grabbed my keys and a coat.I got into my Jeep and left. I.
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