Before sanity could return in the morning my wife hauled out the scissors, soap and razor and the deed was done. Well started anyway. Along the way we...made some discoveries. Like it takes a long time to get rid of a beard that has had all those years to take root. Like 2 hours. Like the first shave after 15 years hurts! Like razor burn is not any better than it was when a teenager I knew was trying desperately to shape what he then called a beard. Like the beard I had now was rather blue. My frequent feelings of sexual arousal when he was close, and his presence as my fantasy during masturbation, clearly demonstrated my failed attempts at self-deception. Worse than the straightforward sexual attraction I felt for him, I knew myself to be in love with him. That Jeremy had never demonstrated openly any feelings of sexual attraction towards me, was my last line of defence. When our conversation strayed in the direction of matters sexual, and especially when it referred even. “George, Alice and especially Phil — the path lab confirmed my diagnosis this morning of a very treatable form of what we call a ‘non-Hodgkins lymphoma,’ or NHL for short. In layman’s terms it is a cancer of the lymphatic system...”I explained in some detail just what NHL was, how it could effect the blood as well as a number of other organs in the immune system. We also discussed what the most likely treatment would be.“To be honest, as much as I think we are as good as anywhere in the world. The boys had gone the trouble of adding padded boards, so that I could put my shoulders up against them. In that instant, I KNEW what was going to happen and I desperately wanted it more than anything else. I was quivering with excitement and I started to squirt again in anticipation. I heard a bit of the conversation, between somebody and Matt, it went something like... A voice sounding slightly irritated, “I really hope bringing this Shetland pony over here isn't a waste of my fucking time..
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